No one said saying good bye was going to be easy...and honestly at times it seems okay, Dad went on his terms, he knew it was going to get really bad and he I really believe made up his mind it was time...he visited with me the day prior and told me he LOVED me, he kissed my mother goodbye that morning and 10 minutes later breathed his last breath, in his home on his favorite couch in the comfort of a world he and my mother had built for the last 15 years...there where no tubes, no white walls, no more pain and no agony for his loved ones to make difficult choices, it was done.
The first few days have seemed like such a blur, at times I am just so over come I think I will fall to pieces right then and then but then most of the time I am myself, just exhausted inside and out. The thing that hurts the most is losing Dad's humor, his laughter and seeing the sparkle in his eye...those are the hard things to face that are gone...I am scared I will forget his voice, I loved to hear him sing & to laugh....to hear him tell me he loves me....
I know my Dad is in a better place and is him, whole inside and out and that is what I would hope above all else, it is worth letting him go here on earth to know he is there, completely him self once again! I have been left with an abundance of memories, stories to tell and love to carry me through my time left here and Dad has made it known he is still near...lol!
Seeing him yesterday at the Funeral home I realized the best of him, the part that made him, him was where it was supposed to be and there was no need to morn the body in front of me, only whisper a soft I love you and brush his cold forehead with a kiss...I knew he was there with me in that tiny pallor room, I knew if he could he would have reached out and comforted me like a gentle breeze....
My Dad was not a man of many words, he was very private in so many aspects of his life, but he was a strong presences and a very loving father and to have him gone will leave a very empty space in many lives...but his memories will LIVE FOREVER!
I love you Daddy, may you fly high on wings of freedom & peace.
Love,
Your Daughter
